My name is Kesdy Baille and I would like to share my story, which led to my journey of healing and wholeness, and eventually propelled me to answer God’s call to serve as a life coach to guide others in their own journeys.
HI, I’M Kesdy Baille
I was born and raised in Haiti by my aunt and uncle in a loving and caring environment.
As a child, I enjoyed singing, dancing, playing with my friends, and all other activities children take part in. My childhood took a different turn when I began getting curious about my birth parents and questioning why I wasn’t living with my siblings. Questions, curiosity, and the inability to get the truth eventually led me down a path of resentment that I stayed on for many years. As I got older, I directed that resentment towards my birth parents, and as years went by, I slowly became more and more withdrawn, to the point where I stopped playing with my friends. Eventually, the built up anger and resentment I carried manifested itself in the form of fighting, cursing, and other negative behaviors.
I got the opportunity to move to the U.S. in 2002 to live with my parents and siblings. Although I was really excited to finally live with my family, soon after moving to the U.S. I started to feel as though I had moved in with four complete strangers. In my eyes, my older sister was perceived as the good girl by the family, and my two brothers were very close to my parents. While it wasn’t the reality, I couldn’t help but feel rejected by my own parents. In a matter of months, I went from wishing I lived under one roof with my birth parents and siblings, to wanting to go back home with my aunt and uncle, the family I believed knew me better. With no coping or communication skills, it didn’t take long for my father and I to become estranged; we just couldn’t see eye to eye. I wanted my parents’ love and attention, but because I didn’t know how to ask for it, it was a constant struggle and it was ultimately unsuccessful. This shortly led me to begin resenting my siblings, whom I felt had a good relationship with my parents, something I longed for. During that period, I would often save money to call my aunt and uncle back home, because I felt they were the people who actually knew me. My parents and I didn’t have an established relationship or trust, so I rejected their counsel. I shortly began to look for the fatherly love I believed I was missing in all the wrong places, so it didn’t take me long to start dating. Shortly after, I became a single mother, and faced homelessness. I tried many times to start over, but always came short because of all the hurt, pain, resentment, anger, depression I carried with me, and even several suicidal phases.
In 2015 I decided it was time for a change and started my healing journey. It was going great but after 6 months of doing the work and seeing the results, I decided I was all set and boy, was I wrong! Little did I know that I was about to be under the worst attack in my life.
In 2016, I made one of the worst choices of my life, which led me down a desperate and destructive path and almost cost me my life. Thankfully, God granted me the grace and wisdom to restart my healing process and ultimately come out of the experience alive. That experience is the hardest process I’ve had to go through and consequently grow through. During my desperate time of prayer, I asked God to cleanse my heart, and to grant me his wisdom and discernment. To say that I was hurt by what was done to me is an understatement. I dealt with a level of betrayal that I didn’t think was possible to humankind; the pain was unbearable. I was ashamed and embarrassed.I wanted revenge but in my heart I knew that was not the solution. So I decided to turn to God and ardently pray. The more I prayed and surrendered my heart to God, the more freedom I experienced. I felt free of anger, free of desire for revenge, free of resentment. One of my staple prayers was: Lord, I want to trade all the pain and sorrow for your peace. Jesus you know what it is like to be lied on, please clear my name for your glory. You know what it’s like to be declared guilty before having had the chance to defend yourself, please advocate for me. Lord my character is under attack, please clear my name. God, I feel unworthy, lost, but I know you are the God who redeems, please redeem me.
I can proudly say today that as a result of my willingness and determination to make a change in my life, I was able to overcome the suicidal thoughts, the feeling of hopelessness, the anger, and the pain that plagued and hindered my life for so many years. I no longer believed the lies the enemy tried to tell me about being unworthy of God’s love and grace. This change came about through the help of prayer, therapy, by actively doing the work to heal my heart and my mind, and by fully surrendering myself to God. I came out on the other side of that experience alive, depression free, healed, and whole. Throughout my healing process, I found my identity in God, and as for those individuals who scammed me, told lies about me, and did everything to destroy my character, the Lord helped me understand what they did, why they did it, and I was able to forgive them. In God I also gained the wisdom needed to build Godly and sustainable friendships. After the Lord healed and affirmed me, he asked me to partner with him to bring his love, healing, and freedom to those who are hurting and broken like I once was, so we can all become who we were meant to be. Others that needed to experience God’s love, others who were lost. My answer to God was: I know your promise is to be with me every step of the way and to never let me go, so God you have my YES.
Once I was healed and freed, I began to understand that I actually had an amazing childhood, and that my outlook on my life was greatly influenced by the anger and resentment I harbored. I understood that my birth parents didn’t abandon me, that they love me, and that me growing up with my aunt’s family was simply my journey and the path that was chosen for me, a pretty good path too. Unlike me, you don’t have to go through hell just to have God in your life, to live a life of purpose. Regardless of your current circumstance, you can choose to be a son/daughter today and walk with God. More than anything, God wants to speak to you, he wants to counsel you, to guide you. All you have to do is run into his arms, which were open for me and are open for you too. God is and has everything you and I need, and I want to welcome you to the journey of Wholeness with me with these three steps; know God, Trust God, and Walk with God.
Come on in, there’s plenty of room for you!